The Opinion That Counts

The more I'm on the internet, the more I'm convinced that the majority of the people on the planet are.. How to put it lightly..? Idiots. The longer you try and deny it, the more the evidence presents itself. Its gotten to the point where governments have seriously started to "child-proof" their society. I guess there are people among us who just don't possess the basic and common knowledge that we're expected to have. And in response to their ever-more daringly stupid endeavors, we've had to keep sharp things out of public reach and post warnings on pretty much everything.

Apparently, common sense has become something of the past. Previously, what we naturally would have avoided, we now rush into without further thought. The only option left for governments was to child-proof their society to keep these kind of people from hurting themselves and possibly others. Because when you think of it, our society is full of threats and dangers but with common sense, we safely avoid certain things. We kind of know that its not the best idea to pet dogs foaming at their mouths, or talk to men who talk to themselves and claim to see unicorns.

You know that when you see a warning on a product, no matter how insane, you know that they're trying to prevent the action from happening again. Because in order for them to come up with warnings for something you'd normally never contemplate, there would have had to been somebody before who's somehow managed to creatively abuse or simply misuse the product.

This includes everyday appliances! For example, a toilet. We know what goes on in there and hopefully, so does everybody else. However, as expected with 6 billion people worldwide, we've managed to locate a single incident where even this activity has been robbed of its previous importance...
And in my search for proof to support my theory, I swear, I've never been more disappointed in humanity. If you think that the toilet warning was bad, then I'd love to see your face when you see these...
If you're as shocked as I am... Then I'm afraid there's only one solution. Put them through rehab! Not a place to kick off of drugs but a place where they can learn to count and read! They'll have exams on common sense and if they pass, only then, can they come back into society.

Visual demonstration of our program...

Chuck Norris, the Man of Men. The man who can kill you with a look and his trademark round-house kick. There is a whole genre of jokes, or better known as anecdotes, dedicated to his heroic exploits and dominance. Tales of how all matter and the laws of nature bend to his will. But how has he become this figure of awe? What has he done to deserve our unwaivering praise? Well for starters, he is the six-time world champion of karate! If you have read my previous blog about martial arts, he is the man who's redeemed the integrity of martial arts. After the misuse of martial arts by the Western world, it was a Chuck Norris who'd vindicated the violations.

But this is the man who'd won the World Championships six-times! That pretty much means that if you put Jet Li, Jackie Chan, and the whole Mortal Kombat cast on the same team... They're efforts would still end in defeat in the face of Mr. Norris.


Even with these seemingly overwhelming disadvantages, there can only be one outcome. Let put it this way.. If this was where they fought before the fight.

Before...

After...

I think I've made my point.

The Law of Chuck - This law essentially means that whatever Chuck Norris wants or says, becomes fundamental in our world. His will alters our reality. The law is a logic beyond our understanding, it is a sense of the world significantly more developed than ours, and basically, the law is Chuck.

Here I have a list of his courageous exploits and further proof of The Law of Chuck. These exploits are seemling impJ:

1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
2. There is no 'Ctrl' on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck is always in control.
3. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
4. Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he get the information he wants.
6. Chuck Norris does not sleep.. He waits.
7. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
8. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
9. They say Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried...
10. The Dark is afraid of Chuck.
11. Chuck Norris' barbeque ribs are delicious! Secret ingredient..? Fear.
12. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
13. The opening scene of Saving Private Ryan is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in the second grade.
14. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
15. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
16. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
18. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
19. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
20. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

When people see twins, they refer back to their stereotypical image of what we're generally represented as. That we're the same, in every way imaginable. They naturally imagine that we finish each others' sentences and know exactly what the other is thinking at any moment. And from that ignorant and simpleminded logic (if you can call it that), they automatically assume that we communicate telepathically and know precisely where the other is at all times. Now, explain to me, how is it that whenever I go out, I can never find my brother? Ever. These assumptions are all loosely based on the idea of being identical and to be honest, I hate it. The generalizations steal any scrap of individuality and people forget to realize that despite being twins, we're still two different people with different personalities.

The most frequently asked question is, "If I hit you on the arm, would your brother feel it?" Now, chances are, if you were talking to Josh, this is what would happen. Any expression of happiness or laughter would die on his face, he would assume a cold and almost lethal look. Following that, he'd do one of two things...

1. Ignore you, stand up, and leave. And depending on what dull-witted twin comment you made, he'd judge when it would be appropriate to next talk to you again.
2. Hit you. Then ask you to repeat yourself. I highly doubt you would.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a twin. Josh is my best friend, who knows and understands me better than anybody else, the one person in the world I can trust with anything, the person I love the most, and vice versa. There are many advantages of being a twin, depending on whether or not you get along. Surprisingly, lots of twins have a love/hate relationship and its perfectly understandable. They're fighting for their own right to individuality and for example, my cousins, they hate each other. They're both stubborn, they're both violent, they both act like they're twins. And guess what, thats because they are. Not realizing that they're so similar in what they want and how they act, they clash. Each needing to prove himself individually.

I can understand that people are innocent when they ask stupid questions about twins. And when we don't like it (and its plain to see on our faces) its not a personal feeling. Its more a feeling of "here we go again..." Once again, for maybe the millionth time, we have to explain how we're twins but still different people. Watching the person trying to grasp the concept that twins are still seperate people, we realize that 9 out of 10 times, we still haven't dumbed it down enough for them. So, in the end, we're explaining the concept in hand movements and drawings.

The subject was still struggling to understand how this was possible. It went against everything he'd ever held close. Slowly but surely, I could see that we were getting through to him. So I gave him a question to solve. It required him to use all of his knowledge he'd attained through school, college, and life experience. He has a PhD in the study of human behaviour and having spent thousands of dollars on his education, it all rested on his answer to this questions...

Gary and Todd are twins. Gary like apples. Does that mean that Todd like apples too?

a) Yes. Definitely.
b) No. Todd is Gary's opposite personality.
c) Not necessarily, Todd is a different individual than Gary. He may have similar tastes as Gary but Todd may have acquired own preferences towards fruit.
d) Answer c.

I gave the Mr. PhD a 50% chance of succeeding by giving him the option of Answer d. Even so, he was in there for a full three hours, pouring over books and literary works, judging what seemed to be the most appropriate answer. At the end, he came out and had circled Answer c. All of our hard work had paid off and there is now a person walking the world who understands the fundamental difference between twins.

Johnny Cash. Musician, legend, and presently even known as the creator of an intriguing supposition. Johnny Cash, at a concert in San Quentin in 1969, proposed a paradigm shift in the field of developmental psychology. He devised a theory known as the "A Boy Named Sue" theory to base two hypotheses:

1. A child with an awful name might grow up to be a relatively normal adult.
2. The parent who inflicted the name does not deserve to be executed.

We've all met people, or at least heard of people, with out-of-the-ordinary names. Names so bizarre and embarrassing that you thank God that your parents had the sense to invest a strong and socially acceptable name in you. Even so, why do parents put their children through the test of social acceptance with the disadvantage of their unusual name? A coincidence? Not likely. I can only think of two reasons.

1. To make them strong and indifferent to the mocking opinion of others. Develop them into strong individuals.
2. Its a family name. They know its weird, they're proud of it and they take pride in being weird. Choosing an exceptionally weird first name, they highlight the abnormality of the family title.
3. You were an accident and this is how they express their spite.
4. It was a choice between Marion and Hazel. And you're a boy.

Everybody wants their individuality and to be recognized for it, and sometimes an odd name does set you apart from the pack. But, understandably, it has to be done within reason. I think that the furthest you can go, in terms of names, is naming your son, Thor. Maybe a little odd at first but eventually it becomes one heck of an awesome name. Naming your son King Arthur, is probably somewhat eccentric and does not reduce (probably even increases) the chance of your kid getting beat up at school.

How do people cope with these surprisingly odd names in society? Studies showed that children with odd names got worse grades and were less popular than other classmates in elementary school. In college they were more likely to flunk out or become “psychoneurotic.” Prospective bosses mocked their résumés. They were overrepresented among emotionally disturbed children and psychiatric patients. But with names like Golden Rule or Mary Mee, what do you expect?
Here are some of the worst names that have shown up during my searches. The people whose names these are range from years 1790 to 1930. Can you believe that parents actually named their children...

• Garage Empty
• Hysteria Johnson
• King Arthur
• Infinity Hubbard
• Please Cope
• Major Slaughter
• Helen Troy

Besides that, there were also several Satans and a host of colleagues to the famed Ima Hogg (including Ima Pigg, Ima Muskrat, Ima Nut and Ima Hooker). What kind of parents did these kids have..?

But it seems that not all were traumatized. Sure they still battle the bad jokes and constant mocking, but they're in fact proud of their names! There are people who live perfectly happy lives with names like: Candy Stohr, Cash Guy, Mary Christmas, River Jordan and Rasp Berry. All of them, even Happy Day, seemed untraumatized.

"A Boy Named Sue" theory has shown to be moderately proved. Some people, despite the obstacle that their name presents, continue to live their lives happily, given that they release their daily frustration in a constructive and non-violent manner.

Everybody knows the question, "What would you do with one million dollars?" Nowadays, there's not much you could do with a million dollars.. At least, not compared with the possibilities of say... twenty years ago. So that particular question is no longer relevant. Instead, I propose a new and improved inquiry. A question that will not only let you express your deepest wishes but also reflect on what you want out of life. With the power invested in me... I now pronounce the new question to be: "What would you do with one billion euros?"

 

Can you feel it?

How, does this refined question allow you to reflect on what you want out of life? Well.. simple. More money, more possibilities, greater freedom, boundless imagination! And by boundless imagination, I mean more stuff you can add to your never-going-to-happen-wishlist. So why did I choose euros over dollars? Greater value! Get more out of your money! This is basic logistics! Though, lets keep in mind, money cannot buy everything, but it sure can buy alot!

So these are the things I would like to do if I had one billion euros...

1. Make a music video where I throw around all my money!

2. Buy myself a horde of expensive cars.. Maybe a hybrid or two, for image sake.

3. Takeover Nike, Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts, and Apple Inc.

4. Try and attempt to become a monopoly in a successful market. The new coming of Rockefeller.

5. Buy a tropical island and make it a tourist hotspot.

6. Get the iPhone 25G (most advanced version, not available to the public,) HA! Who's laughing now, Nathalie?

7. Create my own candy bar. Combination of M&M's and Snickers.

8. Open a 16+ casino and buy out all other casino's on the Las Vegas Strip.

9. Found a country.

10. Have a scholarship named after me.

11. Start a higher-learning school dedicated to my success.

12. Invent a sport that grasps the international community. Like baseketbal.. but different.

13. Buy Mount Everest.

14. After doubling my networth, takeover Mountain Dew. I like Mountain Dew...

15. Open a fastfood chain that affects the population worse than MacDonalds.

Yeah, thats right. And this is considered a small burger.

16. Open a chain of fitness gyms that produce better results than any other.

17. Design my own XBox 360 game.

18. Buy Microsoft with my profit.

19. Have people design me an immediately effective concept car.

20. Get a butler. Call him Alfred.

21. Build myself a concept mansion with hidden passages, trapdoors, anything awesome.

22. Get a big 50ft aquarium with great white sharks.

23. Get Xbox 360's Rockband.

24. Use my influence to outlaw kareoke.

25. Slowly but surely, take over the world.

I know that most of the stuff is vain and even if I did have a billion euros, I would need more to see it through. But so far, this is my wishlist. What would you do with a billion euros?

Ever since childhood, we guys have always had this need for to grow a beard. Especially when you're smaller and you see your dad shaving, the need only increases! Many of the men reading this may relate to the story where you stole your dad's razor and shaving cream, and did what he did. Only, the effect wasn't the same. Where your dad cut his facial hair away, you have certainly made at least a dozen tiny but profusely hemorrhaging incisions on your face. Now try explaining that to your parents...

When my dad shaved and accidentally cut himself, there would only be a single bleeding scratch. He would then proceed to apply only a small shred of toilet paper to clot the wound. Now shaving for the first time, and not even needing to, it somewhat of a rite of passage. Sometimes successful but more often than not... a very bad memory. I will not go into anymore detail but I will instead use images to describe the aftermath of which the introductory event took place.


The pain men go through.. If you think that this is the end result of shaving, you are sorely mistaken. Making thousands of tiny incisions, whether they're bleeding or not, they're exposed and open to germs, bacteria, etc. Meaning that the next step of the traumatic experience of shaving is the stage of disinfection. I know I'm making this seem like much more of a big deal, but when this is your first time shaving and you KNOW you've screwed up, I can you that that this is going to be the worst day of your life... Oh yeah, thats because disinfecting it, hurts. Like more than getting your finger caught in the door.

How do we disinfect it? With this!

Martial arts. Originally practiced by serious men who meditated for years on end trying to find inner-peace. These men didn't practice it because the "girls like a man who can defend himself". No, they did it because its part of their culture and for every hour of martial art practice, they meditated for the next 3. Anyways, where martial artists were originally solely men of religion and culture, frauds have rapidly taken their place.
Nowadays, it seems that the world thinks that just anybody can become a world-renown martial artist! Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, and Jet Li were the only exceptions. But now, the whole point of martial arts has changed! Its no longer about "inner peace", its more about "I bet I can beat you up". Okay, I understand that if you're being picked on that you might want to know how to defend yourself.

But, where did this need to be able to do karate, come from? I didn't just come out of nowhere! So I've dedicated a whole 10 minutes, researching through age-old archives, trying to connect random points in history to one single thing... The turning-point in history where martial arts went from being respected to well... an attempt at being cool.

It seems that once a particular movie (or series of movies) were released in the United States, martial arts went downhill. With my unfailing power of logic and eye for detail, I've concluded that the turning-point in the history of martial arts was the release of Karate Kid!!! And of course the release of the many similarly un-entertaining sequels.
Karate Kid is about a boy who's having a rough-time and has no obvious goal in life. He meets Mr. Miyagi (the only reason why I'd even watch the show again) and he teaches him karate. The end.

But this movie was the spark that ignited the raging obsession to be able to fight and do martial arts! After that movies like the 3 Ninjas came out... Which, I admit, I was a fan of when I was smaller.

Growing up, my dad was my idol. I worshipped the very ground he walked on. Your dad is the very definition of "cool". But one day, it suddenly changes! Somehow and in some way, they start acting differently and they become less cool. It even reaches the point of, dare I say the word, embarrassing... I can vouch for everybody who will ever read this, you have all experienced the moment where your own father does something do ridiculously stupid and deliberately goes out of their way to be "cool" for your friends, that you start to seriously reconsider whether or not he is your actual biological parent. No matter how much you hope you're adopted... Its never the case. Its seems that at a certain point, your dad is no longer cool.

This is how the relationship seems to go..

There is always a "generation gap" as my dad likes to call it. And thats the cause of all the embarrassment. One of the most embarrassing things your dad can do is try and relate to you, in the worst way possible. I mean, you can't have a 45 year old man throwing around slang words and trying to rap in an effort to be cool, right? Lets make it a little more visual.
Trust me, this is enough to give your friends years worth of material to make fun of you with! The only options left would be..

Mr. Racshke, I hope you're taking notes.

But to be honest, these are just the stereotypes of embarrassing dads, not all of them are as bad as I'm making them out to be (there ARE exceptions!). But once again, this was mainly inspired by Failblog with this video...

So I've been kinda stuck on what my theme was and to be honest, I was getting bored.. But, there is this one thing that I check every single day, a website called www.failblog.org. It simply shows the world's daily screw-ups and is stamped and emphasized with the word..
For example..

Everybody knows the stereotypical image of an American. He's big, fat, and has alot to say. But I have to tell you, its the media's fault! The media would rather focus on the negative aspect of things than the positive! Americans were one of the first to base their constitution on the ideas of individual freedom and liberty! The ideas where opportunities are limitless so that the phrase, "You can be whatever you want to be!" can actually be validated. Unfortunately, the United States is a very big place and there are always people walking around to prove the stereotypical image yet again. I mean, every village has its idiot.. The United States just happens to have many..
Living in a country like the Netherlands, we all have a common method of transportation. The bike. We bike to places to stay independant from our parents, and for those of us who no longer live with their parents use it because its free. Now pay very careful attention to what I'm going to say... Wait a second, I'll even use the "bold" and "italic" buttons. Now pay very careful attention to what I'm going to say... Lock your bike sensibly. Believe it or not, bicycles, just as any other form of property, get stolen. Its all very nice and smart to have one of those extra locks where you secure it against at pole or something large and immovable, but once again --> LOCK YOUR BICYCLE SENSIBLY! This is something you'd really want to avoid...

This post is dedicated to those who have had the misfortune of being the eldest of the family. Being the oldest has its up and downs.. Mostly downs. The first-born(s) are what I'd like to call, the "test babies" - the babies where parents are technically allowed to "screw up". First-time parents, having no idea what they got themselves into, try everything to make us shut up, make us eat, and make us sleep. Basically anything and everything that might work so that our 'loving' parents can raise us. In their desperation to be good and successful parents, test babies are prone to the most barbaric of methods as parents test methods and see how we react.

1. We Are Not Animals:
I can understand that in their confusion to best deal with a child, parents can resort to certain measures. Maybe change the whole "raising a child" scenario into something more familiar. Beware! Don't go overboard! The farthest you can change the scenario is to use your babysitting experience (or experience as an older sibling) to communicate with your child into staying put. One thing you cannot do is change your own flesh-and-blood baby into a dog...We refuse to be treated as animals! The worst thing is.. Parents have a tendency to pull out these pictures years later when your girlfriend/boyfriend is over.

2. Public Embarrassment:
Its still cute to dress your kids up in ridiculous outfits. However, the "flare" is over after your 3rd kid... Our suffering is unspeakable... Remember those pictures that you hope that nobody ever sees? Those pictures you're plotting to get a hold of so you can burn them...? Research has proven that 99.99994% of the eldest children of the family tend to have the most embarrassing pictures of them in degrading baby-outfits.
Not the later children as the so-called "hype" has already passed and its humor has faded, only the oldest suffer the degrading embarrassment. A message to all parents who value their dignity as seniors, DON'T DRESS UP YOUR KIDS! Its not cute, its emotionally scarring.

However, any parents who ignore this message can suffer the following... In your old age, when your children have grown up and you think you're safe, sweet revenge is on its way. Being older, your ability to resist physical force has already greatly deteriorated. Just you wait... Later, YOU'LL be the one's in the stupid outfits.. Not us. Who's laughing now?!

3. We Get Nothing...
I guess that parents don't like to spoil the first kid.. Understandable, because otherwise we'd end up like those spoiled My Super Sweet 16 brats... Or a little something like this kid:


But why is it, that the moment that we leave the house and our little brothers and sisters still live at home, that they suddenly get iPhones, Xbox's, and computers?! Like I don't want to sound old-fashioned like my grandma.. But back in the day, which was what? 2-3 years ago? Not even that long. We did our homework on paper using something called a pencil!

Since the birth of commercial computers (computers to use at home), there has been the competitive and sometimes violent difference in opinion between Mac and the Windows users. I respect the opinion of others but I just don't understand the logic or the stubborn behavior behind the average Windows user. I have to admit, that I used to be a Windows user... But, having gone to support groups and after hours of sole-searching I realized.. Windows is not the answer, but that Mac is.

Anyways, the only reason why I used to have a Windows operating system is because of habit. It was all I knew and once I looked at the problems that I constantly faced, it dawned on me. Its a full-time job keeping it virus-free and the only reason why I would like to have a Windows right now is so that I can play online games, but thats a different matter. Thinking about why anybody would want to upgrade to Vista now was puzzling but eventually I did come up with no less than five reasons why somebody would. Just keep in mind that I'm not trying to create another outrage at calling Windows a piece of &#*!, okay? And now, the Only 5 Reasons To Upgrade To WIndows Vista.


2. 3. 4.5.

This is something that I found in one of my MAD magazines. It relates to the factor of our lives that we deal with regularly. We go there five times a week and then we happily get to devote the remaining two days to catching up on work! For those of you who haven't figured it out yet, I am, of course, referring to school. We hope to go through at least 16 years of education - not counting pre-school/kindergarden.

First grade to twelfth grade. Twelve years of hard grueling work and studying things that we're bound never to use in our lives ever again, besides the ever-recurrent exams where they test you on things you did years ago (things that you were somehow supposed to remember..)! And just when you think that the worst is behind you, there is the prospect of university! Granted, some don't make it to university but still have to spend at least two years getting a degree of some sort to get a somewhat respectable job.

But going back to the first twelve years of our educational lives in school, there are two way to pass. First way is the way that everybody encourages and what students grudgingly admit, is the right way. The primary way would be: study, do all your work, go to bed early, etc. You know the drill and no matter how much we would like it to change, it won't happen.

There is, however, another way. Not recommended but another way nonetheless. Six simple ways to suceed in school (for a while):

1. Simply showing up for class can drastically improve your grade. Thereforealways make certain the teacher has taken attendance and marked you present before sneaking out the back door.

2. Organize your time. Set aside specific amounts of time to sleep, relax, eat, watch TV, play video games, surg the web, and talk with friends. Any time left after that ould be devoted to school work.

3. Writing down your goals helps you focus on achieving them. Be sure to write them down in pencil because it's easier to change your goals than to achieve them.

4. Don't ignore your assignments. Devote sufficient time each night to create a valid excuse of why you didn't do your homework. Keep careful records so you don't repeat the same excuse.

5. If you're having trouble in class, ask questions. For example, ask your teacher if his wife knows about that young lady you saw him eating dinner with the other night. Watch as your grades soar!

6. Don't wait until the last minute to insure you'll get a passing mark. Start cheating immediately!

Again, not recommended!

I apologize for the lack of pictures, I could not be bothered...

Well into my period of procrastination, I came across something that fitted my theme perfectly. We all have (or most of us do) pets. And for those of us who aren't allergic to them, having a cat isn't an uncommon. But are they really as cute as girls claim they are? Do they really love us? Or are they instead... planning to kill us..? The website that I found this facts on is pw0nd.com/page/4/. It seems that throughout the co-existence of man and feline, we have constantly been plotted against! No more! It is time that civilization realizes the danger and can now start fighting back! Therefore... I've decided to pass on the message of caution of... 8 Ways To Tell That Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You.

1. 2.5.
6.

Part of growing up is owning a pet. But getting a dog, a cat, or a couple of fish are the traditional pets that everybody has gone through. But what if kids could actually choose the pets they wanted? The most outrageous pet imaginable. There is no question of walking it, feeding it, or loving it - just having it. Therefore, with that in mind, I have come up with 6 of the coolest pets you could ever have:

What comes to mind when you think about superheroes? Strong? Cape, tights, and a hidden identity? But most of all, you think fiction and that its all imaginary. That is where I have the pleasure of proving you wrong. We DO have superheroes in our world. They have secret identities and their crime-fighting is probably limited to within their living room.. I've found about six superheroes who have dedicated at least a part of their time to fighting crime!

"I opened my eyes and found myself as you see me with a voice telling me, 'You are Superbarrio,'" he said. His name essentially means "super-neighborhood". His role is primarily symbolic as the protector of low-income neighborhoods. Superbarrio can't stop a plane or train but instead leads protest rallies, files petitions and challenges court decisions. Rumors also have circulated that he attempted to run for the president of the United States to better protect Mexican workers. His followers find him inspirational and recently erected a statue in his honor -- a giant lifelike replica that looks like an oversized Cabbage Patch doll at 40. The awed crowd chanted, "You see him. You feel him. Superbarrio is here!"

I just like his golden spandex-underwear.

The prospect of superheroes is very real! They may be your next-door neighbor or even a person at work. They devote a part of their life to the safety of society.

Engrish refers to grammatically incorrect variations of English, often found in East Asian countries. From poorly translated signs, menus, to instruction manuals. Although they're usually honest mistakes, the consequences of their spelling and grammar mistakes result in endless laughing fits. I thought that since they're evermore present around the world, why not continue my theme and show some of the funniest signs? I have therefore collected 10 of the funniest Engrish spellings!!!

Our generation doesn't read newspapers as much as our parents would like, if not at all. Mainly because we have something called the "internet". Although some of us don't keep up with global events and in effect are ignorant of whats going on in the world, most of us do at least have an idea of whats happening. Either way, sometimes it is good to read the newspaper because there is a chance (however slight it may be) that you will come across poorly titled newspaper articles. Titles that have caused hundreds of a double-takes and stifled outbursts of laughter.

I've gathered what I believe to be some of the funniest/worst newspaper article titles. I've found my top 6 but they're not ranked in any particular order...

1.

It might be a good idea to start reading the newspaper.

In honor of all the men who have had to be dragged kicking and screaming to watch some stupid chick flick, I've decided to look back at some of the worst movies in the genre. Not all chick flicks are bad, but what about those sappy messes that even women can ’t stomach? Despite knowing full-well that this is going to send a few girls over the edge, I've made a compilation of the worst chick flicks that I've had the misfortune to watch... Here's my list of the 5 worst chick flicks of all time.


1.
5.

Sex and the City - Movie

 

Everybody eats bread daily. We have it for breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner (e.g. Subway, MacDonald's, etc). Why? Because its goes with practically anything you have in your house! There is practically no way to avoid encountering bread. But... did you know that bread is the source of all evil? Its that little extra thing that pushes you over the edge.

Therefore, to issue a public warning, I have uncovered 10 facts that will make you think twice about having your next sandwich!

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
6. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
7. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
8. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
9. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
10. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 240 degrees Celsius! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

In light of these frightening facts... I propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

I would just like to say, think twice about taking a bite out of a sandwich...